Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
