I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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