No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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