On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
