i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize