and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We are all done wearing pants today
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
