I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
