I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Randomize
