Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
