I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
