Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
