my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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