I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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