Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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