I didn't shave. On purpose
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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