part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
