Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she told me i tasted like america
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
