I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
