Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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