dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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