Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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