I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
