just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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