Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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