He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
