id be glad to
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
