then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I fill condoms, not promises.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
