Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize