we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I party with great urgency now.
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