Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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