there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
