I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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