i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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