Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
