Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it's like iHOP with fire
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
