apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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