i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
