Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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