so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
