I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
