I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
