I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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