I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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