either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
