i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize