I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize