just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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