we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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