It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
