I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
