I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
