Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
