i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
