u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
