it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
