Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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