Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
