No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize