can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
