Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
