i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
