Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
