Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
