Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
