remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
