they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
