Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
