Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
