I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize