I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
