Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
