i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
