i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
