Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
