she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
