She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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