member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
