i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
