I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
