thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize