Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
