I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
