Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
