The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
