i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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