her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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