i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
