i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
