standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize