69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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