oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
