Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
