just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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