I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
