mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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