god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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